All I Want.

In my life I have loved, I have lost, and I have dreamed, and I have hoped. All I ever really wanted though was for everyone to be happy, and for people to stop and look at themselves. Because it is only with in ourselves can we find the power to love and to allow ourselves to be loved.

I don’t always see people suffering everyday, living in America. Yet I know that there everywhere surrounding me and that we are capable of helping yet don’t. If we weren’t capable maybe I wouldn’t feel the same way. It’s like shards of glass in my mind, I want to pull them out.

It hurts knowing that I may never amount to anything, but I fear my in action even worse. How could I live with myself if I never tried to help? Some days I just want it all to end, to be left in peace, I quiet serenity and slumber. Yet I hold onto what one day might be.

I think about all the people in the world and how happy they could be. And, how I might be able to bring them happiness. I think of faces that were once shaped in misery, being able to smile and laugh. I dream of people being free of the pain, and suffering that they are being forced to endure.

Thinking of all the starving people in the world, and the slaves of society forced to endure torture of the day to day, it makes me feel weak. I hold inside me a great sadness for them, yet everyday I know they get up and fight for life in a way that I have never known. They are some of the bravest people in the world.

I don’t want them to have to suffer anymore. I want them to be able to wake up knowing that their loved and that society is waiting for them. I want the world to stop viewing each other as different, we’re all here together. I’m tired of this sense nationalism that we have, we are one world, one people.

I can understand fearing what we don’t know, and even fearing to know it. Yet I can’t help but wonder how it all works even if it hurts me. I want to believe in the end that we’re all here for a reason and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Yet i’m aware that in the end it may just be a cool, dark, nothingness that awaits me. I’m not afraid, in that silence I will not have to feel, or know. All I will have to do is be one with nothing.

I do want to leave something behind in any case, something for people to look upon, to bring hope, to help people endure, and make better decisions. I can’t know if I will ever succeed, tomorrow is not promised to me, and today may not be enough to make you understand what I see. I like to believe that in all of us lies the power to see into the oneness of the Universe to transcribe what has been and what will be, yet I can’t yet see what is in store for me.

I want to see myself traveling the world and helping people. I want to see myself at the forefront of change. I want to see myself surrounded by people who love and care about me. While all I want is for everyone to be happy, and I would gladly give my life for it, I want to see myself happy as well. I want to live for as long as I can, I want to find someone that brings everything together for me.

I’ve ran away from love many times in my life. I’m afraid that I won’t be enough or that i’ll be with someone that i’ll never understand. I want someone I can look inside and who can look inside me. I want to feel like I am one with someone. I’m afraid i’m not meant to have these things.

I don’t want to drag anyone into my life, cause I know what it’s like to be in my life. I’m not a very happy person. There’s been people iv’e let go that iv’e hoped would come back. People that iv’e chased that iv’e hoped would chase me. I’m tired of running and i’m tired of chasing, there’s something in the stillness that amuses me. Yet I can’t see if the stillness is even a reality.

I used to imaging communities that were utopias where everyone was happy. That’s hard for me now, now in my best moments I imagine communities just much better off then the ones today. Maybe it’s just how my perception of humanity has changed over the years. Maybe my moments of nihilism have grown.

We’re all just collection of thoughts, sights, sounds, of being. There is something in being that is so mysterious, it’s beautiful, yet hideous all in the same moment. It’s provided me with much wonder and amusement over the years. My imagination has traveled across the universe, and yet I still feel like there is so much more to discover.

Life feels as though it is a never ending picture, where everything small makes up another thing that’s large where a point of view can change the entire view. It’s a truly miraculous thing just to exist. I tend to ask myself every question small or large. It has drove me outside of my comfort zone on many of occasions into the realms that some may call insanity.

I wish I could show you all my life, just as I wish you could show me yours. To feel all the moments in the universe and to be able give meaning to it all. It may be feeble wishes, but the exploration of those thoughts have brought me much joy, even through all the pain. In my life I have found that love and pain have been intrinsic to each other. I wonder if either can fully bloom without the other.

It reminds me of the story of Adam and Eve and the apple. People seem to forget that it was the knowledge of good and evil that was given to Adam and Eve. With the knowledge however they were forced out of the Garden of Eden. It shows that even millenniums ago that we knew good and evil was just something that was perceived, and that, that reality was forbidden for the mortals in god’s kingdom.

It’s hard to perceive what that all means but it’s this perception that allows us to see the beauty in the agony. Perception is one of the most powerful devices of the mind and should never be taken for granted, but helped guided and built by the best of us all. We were meant to have these feelings and emotions. I just want people to feel them all to try and feel empathy for everyone, to open our minds to each other.

One day the power of thought will blossom into something new. Our thoughts will be as if they were dreams, our reality and waking mind will be seamlessly connected. We already see it everyday, many however have not been given the power to control it, others can’t find it in themselves to access it at all. This divide will eventually be closed, but we have to do it together.

I want us to come together, I want us to feel what other’s feel. I want us to be able to hold on to everything. I don’t want us to forget the past I want us to remember it, and too take the pain from it so we can learn how to love each other each and everyday, without having to sacrifice what so many before us have.

I just want us to have a brighter future. I’m afraid we’re not working hard or fast enough to get there. I’m afraid that we may cause entirely more pain then necessary. I’m afraid we’re not going to perceive the lessons that can be learned today. All I want is to stop being afraid.

I want to live, I want to continue learning, I want to help you, I want you to help yourself, I want you to help others, I want you to help yourself by helping others. I want people to care about each other and how they feel. I want people to stop ignoring those that are suffering. I don’t want there to be anymore violence, or wars. I don’t want people taking advantage of others. I don’t want people to hurt anymore. I just want you to be the best you,you can be for you.

Inside all of us is unconditional love; All I want is for everyone to find it.

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